Jesse ^j^,
"I miss you now more than ever before but, I trust that God will open a door and show me how to go on without you.To give me some hope and comfort too. For you were my life and I love you so dear and it breaks my heart to not have you near but life goes on and I will too. I just wish that it wouldn't go on without you. All My Love" ,
Susan 
Though this poem says I will go on, I don't know how- I know I have to for Colton-but how? I do trust God to comfort me, but I still feel hopelss-I pray the hope comes soon. Its been 155 days-still no hope. I love you more than life babe.
Love Infinity+,
Susan
"And the two shall become one"- I don't know how to be "Just Susan" any more-I have been Susan and Jesse for so long. I feel like half a person. I don't know how to "be". I feel so alone without you-even when we were apart during the day.. I always knew you were just a phone call away and you would rush to my side- even if we had just had a big fight. You always were my hero- I could always count on you. Now I fall apart over things that would not even bother me before. I miss being "Jesse and Susan". I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH BABE!!!
Hello babe;
I dreamed of you all night last night. You kept coming back to me to finish some things you felt you needed to finish. Each time , I tried to go with you and I couldn't. You let me know I was needed here, to take care of Colton. Each time you left, I clung to you very tightly and tried to keep you with me if I couldn't go with you. I read that you never know when you are making a memory, that is so true. Some of my very best memories are simple ones. Like when we went to the grocery store every weekend. You always kept me and Colton laughing hysterically with your "voices" and things you did in the car on the way there and back and while we were shopping. That is what we miss most- you made us laugh when nothing or nobody else could. There is no laughter or happiness now for us. I try to do things with Colton- but its certainly not the same. You never knew how much you were loved and needed here. I hope you know now; but ,I hope it doesn't bring you sadness- just a greater sense of love and worthiness. Please know that I am doing the best I can to take care of our son (I pray every night that he will grow up and be happy and healthy) and to keep your PRECIOUS MEMORY ALIVE.
LOVE INFINITY +,
Susan
Someone was talking about having no regrets about you. I do have regrets, I regret the times we were apart, our fights, and most of all NOT HAVING MORE TIME WITH YOU. I don't regret the things I did to make our lives better, being your wife and the mother of your child, and most of all I DON'T REGRET FOR AN INSTANT LOVING YOU! I will always honor your memory, even when it may be painful to do so, because you deserve to always be loved and remembered. It was very difficult the first time Colton and I visited the cemetery after Feb 14th; but it was something I felt we had to do to let you know you will never be forgotten. After that first time, I feel drawn to visit every time I go by -which is at least five times a week- it is one of the few places I feel at peace. Colton also loves visiting- he asks very often- "When can we go to visit Dad?" I have explained to him that Dad is not there.. he is in Heaven and he is with us always. I love you and miss you, every second of every day.
Love Infinity+,
Your wife forever- Susan
Pic is of Jesse's spirit on it's way to Heaven- you can see his face by the vault
Love Letter To My Husband:
Been thinking about the song "No air". I feel as if there is no air without you. So many songs remind me of you that I can't even listen to the radio or cd player. Sometimes I can listen to "I will follow you" by Death Cab for Cutie, because it feels so appropriate. I pray I will follow you soon. I would like to see our son grown,though. I miss you SO much. You were my air. Almost four months now. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid, I want to be with you in HEAVEN and don't want to cause Colton any more pain. Please just come to me in my dreams and I will be okay. Always remember, I love you with all my heart , soul and mind. You are my Jessamine.
Love Infinity +,
Susan
